Чисто да го до-едуцираме Крале (а и секој друг љубител на добар хумор),
I present you the King of one-liners, the one & only, Mr. Rodney Dangerfield
"No respect... It's my life story."
"I get no respect. The Life Insurance company gave me a half a calendar. My son gives me no respect either. I told him he'll have kids of his own someday. He said yeah, maybe you will too."
"I tell ya it ain't easy being me! I banged an inflatable girl last night... Today, an inflatable guy came to the door wanting to kick my ass!"
"My wife, she loves to talk during sex... the other night she called me from a hotel."
"Listen why don't I show you the back seat of my car."
-Well Mr. Dangerfield I'm not into casual sex.
"Well then I'll keep my tie on."
-Mr. Dangerfield... what should we do with the sperm whale?
"Keep it away from my daughter"
-Rodney! I'm glad you can make it... but why would you drive in your condition?
"I didn't. The bus driver wouldn't let me!"
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years... then we met."
"When I was born, I brought no joy... My old man said he wanted a boy."
"I was an ugly kid... always alone... On Halloween I had to trick or treat over the phone!"
"My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror."
"My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend."
"One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control."
"Its lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom."
"My wife was afraid of the dark. Saw me naked, now she's afraid of the light!"
"I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know."
"I told my doctor that when I woke up in the morning I couldn't stand looking at myself in the mirror. He said, 'At least we know your vision is perfect.'"
"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."
"My wife hit me last night! She asked me, "What's on the Television"? I told her "Dust"!"
"My dad used to pound on the batroom door and shout to me "If you keep that up, you're going to go blind". I would yell back, "I want to keep doing it until I just need glasses"."
"I told the mall cop that I can't find my parents. He said tough luck kid, there's alot of places they can hide."
"I told my doctor I wanted to quit aging, so he gave me a gun."
"My doctor told me I only have 6 weeks to live and handed me a bill. I told him I couldn't afford it so he gave me 6 more weeks."
"I got cut off on the highway. I rolled down my window to yell at him and got arrested for mooning."
"My dad hated me. He said lets play tag - I'll drive."
"I joined Gambler's Anonymous. They bet me 2-to-1 I don't make it!"
"My dying grandfather wanted me to sit on his lap... He was in an electric chair!"
"My girlfriend said, I'm breaking up with you. I said, no more Bora Bora Tahiti vacations, no more Mercedes, no more diamonds... by the way, why do you want to break up with me? She said, because I hear you're a pedophile! I replied, "a pedophile, that's a mighty big word for a 9-year old.""
"My girlfriend called me and said, I put mirrors on my bedroom walls and ceiling, come over, and... bring a bottle. I brought Windex!" (средство за чистење, btw)
"I was with a girl. She was so ugly that she was known as "a two bagger" - I would put one bag over my head in case hers breaks."
"When I was a kid, I was ugly. I was so ugly, they sent me to prison to cure sex offenders."
"I'm so ugly my proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth."
"I went out with a hooker, she said, "Not on the first date.""
"People used to ask me how many kids you wanna have. I always said I want 3 kids... one of each!"
"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
"I'm so bad in bed, I once got booed by a peeping tom."
"Our house was on fire and my wife tells the kids, "Be quiet, or you'll wake up daddy"."
"The doctor told me I needed to walk a mile a day. I called him and said "Doc, I'm 70 miles from home, what do I do now!?"
"I told my kid about the birds and the bees... He told me about my wife and the milkman!"
"I told my wife, "I want sex". She said, OK, I'll leave the room and give you some privacy."
"My kidnappers sent a piece of my finger back. My father said he "wanted more proof"!"
"My daughter failed the Driver's Test. She couldn't get used to the front seat!"
"I asked my dentist, What do I do about my yellow teeth? He told me to wear a brown tie!"
"When I was born the doctor told my father "I did all I could but he pulled through anyway"."
"When I was born, I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."
итн.
